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Like A BirdI wonder what it's like to be free
Free like a bird,
Free from all this pain,
All these thoughts,
I just want to be free.
Free to live my life how I want
Without anyone breathing down my neck.
Checking what I do, how I do.
I still wonder it's like to be free.
Maybe one day,
I'll be free like a bird.
ControlThis pain inside
I cannot control
Control it does
This pain inside
Is haunting me
Haunting me it does
How do I control something,
That in the end controls me
They are not mine.
They are not me.
Yet, they are.
This lack of control is killing me.
I've got to laugh.I've got to laugh, I'm sorry, I do.
The wine, the alcohol,
The love, the hate,
The smiles, the frowns,
Who are we,
Why are we here,
We have a purpose,
On we need to share.
The pain that tears us apart,
is the pain that reunites.
The relief of the pain,
Is the hearts desire,
and the hearts desire,
is the pain.
This cycle is unbreakable,
It's programmed to be untouchable,
It's never going to go away,
The pain will always stay.
You can't fight yourself,
No matter how hard you try.
Hate I hate myself for everything.
I hate myself for wanting to cut.
I hate myself for stopping.
I hate myself for never being enough,
Never pretty enough,
Never skinny enough,
Never smart enough,
Never nice enough,
Never clever enough,
Never happy enough.
I hate myself because I can't have fun anymore.
I hate myself because my self image has become so bad,
All I want to do is hurt myself.
Self-HatredI hate myself.
I'm so stupid.
I'm so ugly.
I'm so fat.
And I'm sorry
that I ever
wasted your time,
that I'm fucked up,
that I'm weak,
that I'm shy.
that I don't know how to be
who you want me to be.
I'm sorry you don't like me.
I'm sorry I can't make friends.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm me.
I'm sorry I'm alive.
I want to go to sleep,
and never wake up.
I want to die.
I'll LieI don't want to hurt you
I hate making you cry
But there's only one way to prevent it
I'm going to have to lie
I'll lie about the loneliness
I'll lie about the pain
I'll lie about the hurt
I'll lie about the shame
I'll lie to protect you
I'll lie so you don't leave
I'll lie to keep you happy
I'll lie till you believe
It's not that I don't want your help
The fact is I really do
But that is not the point at all
The point is it will hurt you
I'm sorry it has to be this way
But I can't burden you again
'Cause if I do I'm scared
I'll lose you as a friend
What is beauty?What is beauty?
Is it the models in magazines who starve themselves to be size 0?
Is it the stars who get plastic surgery so much that they are more plastic then bone?
Is it the fake girls at school who put on pounds of makeup everyday?
Beauty is not; Trying to make yourself look like a model.
Its not; trying to hide your imperfections.
Its not; trying to be like others.
You don't have to starve yourself to be beautiful.
You don't have to be perfect to be beautiful.
You don't have to put on makeup or get plastic surgery to be beautiful.
Beauty is showing off who you really are.
Its not being afraid to let others see your imperfections.
Its about loving yourself for being...you.
FearYou make me dread the things I cherish.
You make my dreams simply perish.
You make me wish that I could just give it up. Just let it slip.
You make me wish that I could quit.
You make me feel like its all in vain.
You make me think that its all just pain.
You make me feel like I can't move on.
You make me think that it's all gone.
You make me tired of trying day after day.
You make me believe its all wasted away.
But today I decided that you will go.
I am tired of you making me move so slow.
You cannot control my life anymore,
I no longer have anything to use you for.
I am throwing you out and I will never look back.
I will find my way, I will make my own path.
I just have to believe and fight off one more hit.
The time is right, I know I can do it.
I promise to never give up on my dreams,
To never let you conquer me, to ignore your screams.
I will not let you have one more tear,
I will defeat you, because you are Fear.
Dear lorddear lord,
yes it's me again...
i know i say i don't believe you, but do i have permission to ask you one thing?
why don't you answer my prayers?
i beg for help, and recieve more pain?
well anyway, i'll try again...
i need a hug...tonight when i close my eyes will you please hug me and not let go?
that's all i pray for my lord...that's all i ask of you. i want to not wake up tomorrow,
i want to be in your arms...
to be free
is it true you put me here to ignore my prayers and laugh at my tears?
is it my lord?
well i guess that's all i have to say to you.
I'll show youI need her more then anything
I know I've hurt her
And she hurt me
But we are the same in a way
I will do anything to make you happy
I've show you I'll do anything for you
So please don't go
I love you
I'll show you
DecievedOn the outside she seems whole
On the inside she's shattered
Broken in a million pieces
Her eyes are blackened
Wrists are red and pink
Blue eyes seem to be liquid tonight
'Whats wrong' i ask in a final attempt
'Everything' she replys
Before closing her eyes
for one last time
"Disappointment"I held the phone in my hand for a long time. I stared at my father's number.
Was I really going to do this? Was I even ready to tell him?
Yes, I told myself. I held the phone to my ear.
I'm going through with this?
"Hello?" At the sound of my dad's voice I froze up. "H-hi Dad..." I said, unsure of his reaction. He lived so many miles away there was no way he'd tell anyone. "What's up?" He asked. That was my dad, always trying to sound "hip", but there was no way he ever would be.
"I.." I took a deep breath. Don't do this, Selvy. I told myself. I spoke again. "I need to tell you something." "Ok, what is it?" He said, sounding impatient. Damn that girlfriend of his.. she was always more important than me. "I can't keep it a secret anymore... Dad... I'm pansexual... I like girls... as well as men... and everything else."
The line went silent for more than a few minutes. My dad spoke again. "That's not how you were
Always and NeverOnce again I can't help.
Always the same,
Always being useless,
Never in control,
Never 100% happy,
Never good enough,
What can I do?
I want to make you happy,
Take away all your pain,
make you happy again.
I would if I could.
You know I would.
I know I'm not perfect.
I wish I could be for you.
I need you.
But I think, you need me more,
You just wont admit it.
You're too proud for that.
Let me help.
Me helping you,
Will help me.
I love you.
You are my world.
Red Letter Day - Prologue
So here I am, writing.
I’m writing, I’m writing – just as you told me to.
I’m writing, I’m writing, I’m writing.
Have you ever noticed that when the sun goes down, this flat changes? It does. The walls are white during the day and lingering brown at night. During the day, I’m with you and the light from outside paints the walls that heavenly color. But when that sun goes down, the demons wake and I’m alone again, even though you’re just a room away.
Somehow it seems less threatening tonight, and I think it’s because you’ve given me an assignment to try and fight off the darkness. You gave me a stack of papers and a pen and told me to write everything that comes to mind.
It’s a strange feeling to have complete freedom. These empty pages are mine to do whatever I please – I could even wipe my ass with them – but they’re also terribly intimidating. The blank page has always been a nemesis of man. It&
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More