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Like A BirdI wonder what it's like to be free
Free like a bird,
Free from all this pain,
All these thoughts,
I just want to be free.
Free to live my life how I want
Without anyone breathing down my neck.
Checking what I do, how I do.
I still wonder it's like to be free.
Maybe one day,
I'll be free like a bird.
ControlThis pain inside
I cannot control
Control it does
This pain inside
Is haunting me
Haunting me it does
How do I control something,
That in the end controls me
They are not mine.
They are not me.
Yet, they are.
This lack of control is killing me.
I've got to laugh.I've got to laugh, I'm sorry, I do.
The wine, the alcohol,
The love, the hate,
The smiles, the frowns,
Who are we,
Why are we here,
We have a purpose,
On we need to share.
The pain that tears us apart,
is the pain that reunites.
The relief of the pain,
Is the hearts desire,
and the hearts desire,
is the pain.
This cycle is unbreakable,
It's programmed to be untouchable,
It's never going to go away,
The pain will always stay.
You can't fight yourself,
No matter how hard you try.
Hate I hate myself for everything.
I hate myself for wanting to cut.
I hate myself for stopping.
I hate myself for never being enough,
Never pretty enough,
Never skinny enough,
Never smart enough,
Never nice enough,
Never clever enough,
Never happy enough.
I hate myself because I can't have fun anymore.
I hate myself because my self image has become so bad,
All I want to do is hurt myself.
I'll LieI don't want to hurt you
I hate making you cry
But there's only one way to prevent it
I'm going to have to lie
I'll lie about the loneliness
I'll lie about the pain
I'll lie about the hurt
I'll lie about the shame
I'll lie to protect you
I'll lie so you don't leave
I'll lie to keep you happy
I'll lie till you believe
It's not that I don't want your help
The fact is I really do
But that is not the point at all
The point is it will hurt you
I'm sorry it has to be this way
But I can't burden you again
'Cause if I do I'm scared
I'll lose you as a friend
I'm Sorry..I'm sorry,
Don't you get it I'M SORRY OK??
I'm sorry that I'm not as smart as you,
I'm sorry that I'll fail all my exams,
I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect daughter,
I'm sorry that I'm ruining my life,
I'm sorry that I'm fat,
I'm sorry that I'm ugly,
I'm sorry that I'm a waste of space,
I'm sorry that I have no talent,
I'm sorry that I have feelings,
I'm sorry that I use up valuable food,
I'm sorry that I use up valuable water,
I'm sorry that I use up the air,
I'm sorry that you waste your time teaching me,
I'm sorry that I'm not the sister you can look up to,
I'm sorry that you feel any sympathy towards me,
I'm sorry that I'll never amount to anything,
I'm sorry that I lied to you,
I'm sorry that my fears interfere with my life,
I'm sorry that I have problems,
I'm sorry that I'm mental,
I'm sorry that I stole your razor blades,
I'm sorry that I used them to slice my skin,
I'm sorry that I'm not a thin as you,
I'm sorry that I'm useless,
I'm sorry that I'm no goo
Being BraveSo you think you know me
You think you've got me all figured out
But you don't know what it's like
To have all this insecurity and doubt.
So you want to know what's wrong
When tears are streaming down my face
You say you want to help me
But some scars you can't erase.
You plead for me to explain
As you squeeze my trembling hand
But I don't know what to say
That will make you understand.
These fears that haunt me daily
May seem small and dumb to you
But they control my mind
And there's nothing I can do.
You tell me to get over it
To step outside my cave
But you see, I cannot comprehend
This concept of being brave.
Just TryingHere I am
Just a girl,
And here I sit
Knees up to my chest,
Here I stand
With trembling hands and runaway breathing,
And here I lie
Curled tightly in a ball, tired eyes staring at the dark wall
Here I am
Just a scared little girl,
And here I sit
Clinging to myself so desperately,
Here I stand
Barely upright, trying to show I'm okay,
And here I lie
Thrashing and screaming at the nightmare I can't let go
Here I am
Just a girl
Trying to get through
Lost.She listens to sad songs
so that they can match her broken heart
She cries herself to sleep every night,
not saying a word in between her tears.
It's been so long since she's smiled a real smile,
that she doesn't even know how happiness feels.
Liar You're beautiful...
Of course I am.
No, I mean it.
Sure you do.
Why won't you believe me?
Because you're lying, that's why!
Why would I lie about that?!
Maybe because you like to see me squirm, or you're just a jerk, or both. I think I'm going with both.
Listen to me! I'm not lying!
I don't want to hear it anymore.
What's wrong with me saying you're beautiful?
Because, I own a mirror, and what I see is NOT beautiful!
It is to me...
Lonely NightsWhen I'm alone at night
Curled under my blankets
It's the warmth I miss the most
And the calming presence,
The slight disruption in my flat mattress
Steady rise and fall of his breathing
If I hold my breath,
The familiar tread of his heartbeat
Once you've slept in a bed with someone
Being alone is never the same
You'll never want to sleep alone again
You will long for the indescribable
Presence of someone just being there
I know I do.
I spoke truthI said that I loved you. I still do.
I said that you were the 'One'. I meant it.
I said that I would never give up on you. I am yet to stop.
I said that I would never cheat on you. I still hold that promise.
I said that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I still believe that.
I said I was happy with you. I told the truth.
I said I wanted to be with you forever. I would have married you.
I said I needed you more than oxygen. That is the truth.
And that is why I am now dying
Always and NeverOnce again I can't help.
Always the same,
Always being useless,
Never in control,
Never 100% happy,
Never good enough,
What can I do?
I want to make you happy,
Take away all your pain,
make you happy again.
I would if I could.
You know I would.
I know I'm not perfect.
I wish I could be for you.
I need you.
But I think, you need me more,
You just wont admit it.
You're too proud for that.
Let me help.
Me helping you,
Will help me.
I love you.
You are my world.
HomesickI am the river's son,
my arteries flowing turquoise
and turning to rapids
rushing around my frame,
filling me with this sense
of buoyancy, minnows
tickling my sternum.
I am the river's son.
My palms caress each
silty shoreline, every
battered bank and bend,
and these places I know
so well become me
as my fingerprint,
even the bridge above me
inflamed by the afternoon
sun-glow, burning rusty and
the steel blue sky.
I am the river's son;
I bring my home along
like hermit crab,
where I step
I pull water from the earth.
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More